I drove 700 miles and had the time of my life. I drove to Nepenthe and sat above the fog up in the trees, eating lunch while smiling at the birds, fully enjoying myself as I thought about all the famous authors who sat in that very café. Pushing through my fear and giving myself permission to do what I truly wanted resulted in me standing on Bixby Bridge with tears in my eyes as I marveled at the beauty of the sea crashing on the rocks and the delicious fog that hung over me like a protective blanket.

I asked myself if that was worse than sitting alone in my apartment on a holiday weekend, wishing I was on a romantic adventure. Worst case scenario, I’d pull over and sleep in my car. However, if I still wanted to go to Big Sur, I told myself I’d go. Perhaps I’d just want to stay and enjoy the beaches nearby. Four hours north of my home in LA, I booked an Airbnb in Santa Maria and decided to see how I felt when I got there. I decided I’d drive halfway to Big Sur the first day. Then, I planned around it instead of saying no outright. First, I acknowledged what that little critic was trying to tell me. It’s important to listen to your inner fears for they are always teaching you something. What if you fall asleep behind the wheel?” What if. My inner critic whispered, “But it’s so far, you’ve never driven that distance by yourself. It’s so beautiful up there I yearned to go. We’d take turns driving, stop, take pictures, and move on. A road trip from Los Angeles, where I live, up the California coast to Big Sur was historically something I’d do with a boyfriend, friend, or a family member visiting from out of town. “I wish I had a partner I could take a road trip with to Big Sur,” I thought to myself. Last Fourth of July weekend, I didn’t have any plans.

Everytime we touch i get this feeling